Post by ava4 on Jul 15, 2009 11:38:01 GMT -4
RYAN ALEXANDER ALDRIDGE
"it was clear that i was gonna be in for the ride of my life"
[/font]"it was clear that i was gonna be in for the ride of my life"
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - [/center]
SPLIT DECISION, FINDING FIXES
- - i just write my memory ,
[/font][/center]- - i just write my memory ,
[/size] Ryan, Ry, you know.
• • FULL NAME , Ryan Alexander Aldridge
• • NICKNAMES ,
• • BIRTHDAY & AGE ,[/size] April 21, 1989, which makes him 20.
• • SEXUALITY ,[/size] Gay, but you wouldn't have even thought that just by looking.
• • OCCUPATION ,[/size] Vocalist & acoustic guitarist for A Remedy For Lies; does some piano too.
[/size][/font][/blockquote]
I SEE FACES BUT NONE OF THEM
- - not one believes in me ,
[/font][/center]- - not one believes in me ,
[/size] Naturally, it's brown. But he's dyed it black.
• • WEIGHT & HEIGHT , 132 lbs, too skinny; just about 6 ft; he's tall, man.
• • HAIR COLOR ,
• • EYE COLOR ,[/size] Hazel-ish, but the light does something weird sometimes and somehow makes his eyes seem greenish-blue.
• • DISTINGUISHING MARKS ,[/size] He's got his ears pierced and he kind of wants his lip done. And this isn't a mark but his boyish face, eyes, and smile is pretty distinguishing if you ask me, y/y?
• • FACE CLAIM ,[/size] Jesse Elliot @ myspace.
• • PERSONAL STYLE ,[/size] Ryan's style is pretty simple -- I guess you could say that you could find his stuff in the men's department at H&M. He can and will wear pretty much anything that isn't too bright or over-the-top; it's just not him. He likes plaid shirts and plain t-shirts with his slim jeans and vans or something, but aside from favoring American Apparel and Urban Outfitters, he also shops at and wears stuff from Americal Eagle and Hollister sometimes. Hey. Don't judge. Additionally, the appearance of his hair is one of the most important things to Ryan -- he definitely freaks out about it in silence a lot, always smoothing it down. His shampooing and conditioning is like a ritual to him. Good gay boy.
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THIS GAME HAS GOT ME SHAKING HANDS
- - with my own enemy ,
[/font][/center]- - with my own enemy ,
[/size] bad attitudes, fakes fakes fakes, homophobes, girls (hey, he likes girls but not THAT way, he's gay!), people who can't own up to who they are/their actions, liars, cheaters, super scene girls (ew), swimming in the ocean, being classified as a prep, LA bitches, the circus, getting stuck in rush hour traffic and traffic in general, people who don't know how to drive right, being late, dozing off, stalling for time, overly spicy food, not getting enough sleep, not being able to pay attention, bees, slugs because they're really gross, getting sand in his shoes or the pockets of his jeans whenever he goes to the beach, running out of a hair product, leaving doors open or unlocked because he's a little paranoid, the way his hair feels on a muggy day or when he's outside for too long, muggy days in general, annoying and stupid commercials on tv, when the weather report is wrong, really bad movies
• • LIKES , his independence, listening, talking, living, boys, chemistry and other sciences, Los Angeles weather, sunglasses, playing piano, drinking tea, the smell of coffee but not the taste of it, the men's department at H&M, reading books, buying books or going to the library, laughing, smiling, his laptop, writing down his thoughts, Italian or Greek food, taking pictures/pursuing photography, acing his papers and tests, sex, going driving, playing guitar, music in general, hugs and other things like it, slow songs, cuddling, hugging, snuggling, trees, dancing, scented candles, falling asleep next to Sam, being happy, cooking food, capslock and enter abuse, using acronyms too often, being relatively fashionable, sitting outside and laying in the grass, zip-up hoodies, rain, walks in the rain, anything in the rain, the color purple (the color, really, ty), calm environments, helping other people, spamming Myspace or Twitter or some other social networking site, watching YouTube videos, dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, turtles even, any kind of animal that's cute, going to shows, Disney movies ngl, his hair straightener, Fiji water or SmartWater, orchids, hats, scarves, Harry Potter, dressing up in formalwear
• • DISLIKES ,
• • STRENGTHS ,[/size] being polite, being a mediator, keeping calm when everyone else is on edge, his loyalty, the fact that he can think quickly and on his feet, fixing things, playing guitar and making music, his cooking abilities
• • WEAKNESSES ,[/size] Samuel Alexander Delancey, "the eyes," anything Harry Potter (Sam totally unleashed the nerd in him), fruity alcoholic drinks and drinking, cute animals, caffinated drinks, chick flicks and ice cream, colorful things, any person who is close to him, really. and his mom, even though she hates him.
• • FEARS ,[/size] drowning (which is why he doesn't like going into the ocean because you never know), dying young, getting alcohol poisoning, losing faith in himself, failing at college, not succeeding in later life or finding something that's satisfying for him to make as his career, getting lost in a large city, being totally alone, falling
• • SECRETS ,[/size] He was kind of anorexic in high school. Not intentional, really, although at some times taking a lot of his mom's verbal abuse definitely took a lot out of him. He's also only ever dated two people before, just because his relationships happen to last a very long time whenever he's in one.
• • PERSONALITY ,[/size] No matter what life throws at him, Ryan is a strong person. He is an honest boy with good morals and intentions. No matter what happens, he always tries to do the right thing. He loves his friends like they're his family and he'd do anything to make a person happy even if they're not his friend. He believes in expression and he's not afraid to tell you what he thinks but he'll be as nice as he can be. Speaking of expression, Ryan can be pretty emotional, too -- shut up, he's gay, he's practically a girl so he has an excuse even if he's not really that gay by appearance or personality. Yeah, he'd cry if something makes him sad, but he's pretty good at holding it in. If something is wrong or he's not feeling okay, you can definitely tell in his face and the way he acts. It's not that often that he withdraws himself.
He is pretty mellow and carefree, he doesn't like drama so he avoids it as much as he can. If you are an attention whore, he'll ignore you. Ryan's pretty good at ignoring things, he's just got kind of a gift in slightly tuning people out when they're being annoying. He's really considerate about others and he likes to listen and give advice, which is a pretty likeable trait in a person even if you're a total asshole. This is exactly why no one thinks or knows that he's gay upon first impression -- he's just NORMAL, his sexuality does not and should not define everything he is. He believes in free love and happiness in all people, that everyone is good no matter how they act...you know, that kind of thing. So I guess in a sense he's kind of a hippie but he doesn't do anything too bad -- he'll drink but he won't smoke anything or do any other drugs.
He likes parties but even then he's not really the biggest party animal -- he's just sociable and he likes meeting the people there, that's more satisfying to him than getting drunk and making stupid decisions. It's just like how he'd rather sit and write songs or do work than make a fool out of himself. Plus he's a lightweight anyway, so if there is going to be any drinking, it won't be that much. He's usually the designated driver anyway. Touching on stupid decisions, Ryan doesn't do rebounds. He is definitely the relationship type of guy, and he's pretty damn faithful to whoever he's dating just like he's faithful to all his friends. He tries hard not to invest so much emotion into another person so he won't get hurt, but it just happens and all he can do is hope for the best and that he doesn't get his heart destroyed.
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AND I BET YOU WONT FIND
- - one weak bone in me ,
[/font][/center]- - one weak bone in me ,
[/size] Only child.
• • PARENTS , Tara Aldridge, 38, secretary. He doesn't know who his father is, except that his name is Daniel Spencer.
• • SIBLINGS ,
• • OTHER FAMILY ,[/size] His mother's parents, they love him unconditionally.
• • SIGNIFICANT OTHERS ,[/size] PAST: Danielle Williston, his only girlfriend ever/best friend/his fag hag; Josh Rosenberg, ex-boyfriend that he was in a relationship with for 3 years in high school. PRESENT: hmm, Sam Delancey.
• • CHILDREN ,[/size] D:
• • BIRTH PLACE ,[/size] Los Angeles, CA
• • HISTORY ,[/size] Ryan's parents were only 16 when he was concieved, and with super Catholic parents, Tara wasn't allowed to have an abortion just by their principle. Sure, she was happy to be having a baby with the boy she thought she loved and loved her back (they dated for almost two years by then and in her teenage delusion they were going to get married, he said so), but when he left her right after the baby was born, something changed in her. While in the beginning she didn't really have any animosity towards the beautiful boy that she brought into the world, as Ryan grew older and especially when he was in high school, Tara definitely snapped. One look at her son and she was reminded of what she never got over, and while it's illogical to hate your child, that's what she did. With added stresses on her shoulder, she took it out on him all the time -- "you bastard, you look just like him, I fucking hate you" being a common phrase, in addition to all the homophobic remarks that she throws out often ever since she found out Ryan was gay. And yet, throughout all of the verbal and physical abuse he gets when she turns a little emotionally distressed and violent, Ryan still loves his mother and tries to take care of her. However, despite his upbringing he continued on with a smile on his face, and it definitely affected the way he is now -- with the help of his close friends and his mother's parents (his grandparents), he's been able to get through a lot of these things. Throughout high school he mostly kept to himself, keeping to his music and studies, and having only a few fantastic friends that he cared to see and be around. These friends know who he is and how he is, and they accept him, unlike his mother. Having graduated, he had started to study biology at UCLA when he finally decided to go forward with a music project that he had in mind for quite some time. Aftter gathering band members via an audition process (okay, he's a little bit picky), A Remedy For Lies finally came together. Set apart by their acoustic style and female members, the band as a whole is pretty talented and he's happy that he made the choice to do so, since they got signed to Past Twelve Records not too long ago. Good thing Vegas and LA are much closer than anywhere else he could've been. .
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IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING
- - but no need for sympathy ,
[/font][/center]- - but no need for sympathy ,
[/size] ava
• • YOUR NAME , flava
• • YOUR AGE ,
• • YEARS EXPERIENCE ,[/size] loves
• • CONTACT INFORMATION ,[/size] you
• • MEMBER TITLE ,[/size] for
• • SECRET PHRASE ,[/size] joining or reading this?
• • NOTES ,[/size] ryam ryam ryam, take #3.
• • ROLEPLAY SAMPLE ,[/size] lololol.[/size][/font][/blockquote]
and now that I feel all the weight on my shoulders, I fall.
'And I'll breathe you in tonight, I'll find my own way home -- you know I'll be fine.' Garrett Foxworthy's voice echoed in Ryan's ears, resonating throughout the empty apartment that made his heart hurt oh so much. Half Past Twelve was a great band and so were the people in it, their music different from the style he was used to by association. Ryan was having his emo moments now, with music that happened to fit just perfectly -- damn Gare, being awesome like that. His footsteps echoed against the hardwood floor as he left the bathroom, just finishing blowing out his hair after his ritual hour-long shower. It took a lot for him not to drown himself in there, and he had found himself exceeding the hour by almost twenty minutes, standing under the warm-hot water for the sake of just standing, even if he had already finished washing the soap from his body and the conditioner from his hair. His delicate fingers were pruning up badly, and he didn't even notice because he was thinking too hard -- shower time was usually thinking time for him anyway. Just being at Shane and Sam's made him want to throw up or just take a jump out the window even though it woudn't have been far or extreme enough to kill him, but you got the picture. "Goddammit," he said to himself bitterly, shuffling angrily around the room he shared with Sam and gathering a lot of his stuff, or at least all the clothes he would be needing for the week that he was staying with Gare. The ginger and his boyfriend Ace were two of his closest friends now, the best friends outside of the circle that revolved around Shane and Sam Delancey's band and other projects -- he had confided in them both, drunkenly to Gare in person and hung over to Ace via internet. Ace had gotten him through the last break up-esque thing on the summer tour, he hid around The Weekend Theory's bus that time, but Ace was now in Delaware with his friends and family. And at least Gare was still in Los Angeles to offer him both a friendly shoulder to cry on and a place to stay for the time where he was going to move back out of the Delancey apartment. The thought killed him, all the consequences and repercussions to his decision. He had quit the tour, quit his job more or less, said 'fuck you' to everything in relation to Still A Dying Day and informed his boyfriend that he would be moving out before he and his band returned from tour. Fuck tour, really -- it was a great experience for some but not for Ryan most of the time. It was just too stressful, he saw how it made Sam act, and that in itself was not good for Ryan since he'd be getting yelled at almost 89 percent of the time. Damn. When he thought about it now, tour time was the only time where Ryan wanted to legitimately deck Sam in the face, the only time when they broke up.
He thought about Sam's half-assed begging from two nights before, pleading that wasn't even strong enough to keep him sitting in that stupid chatroom let alone on the same tour bus as him for the rest of the stupid tour. He had to leave, had to go, and had to not stay at the apartment. Everything reminded him of his now ex-boyfriend, and the fact that the label was actually sticking this time made it even worse. Sure, usually when Sam and Ryan had their little tiffs their so-called 'break-ups' lasted for maybe a day, at the most. Three hours it had been last time, and it wasn't even a "I'm done, we're over forever" kind of deal; it was just ambiguous, with Ryan's pathetic repeat of "I can't do this" not actually specifying exactly what he wanted to do. It was always deja vu, a cycle where Sam would get mad and yell and be really nasty and then Ryan would give up in exasperation...yeah, the whole process always ended up with Sam being upset and apologizing for what he did and therefore the two of them being okay and back together as if nothing had happened. Never had there been a time where Ryan Aldridge wanted to legitimately break up with Sam Delancey -- no, he loved the other boy too much, that was obvious and undeniable -- but these past couple of days had been hell in more ways that one. And really, a guy like him, he didn't deserve this bullshit all the time, he was strong enough and aware of the reasoning behind all of these disasters, but there was only so much one person could take. Sam may have not meant it -- deep inside Ryan's heart, he knew he didn't mean it -- but with Adam's existance and presence that was getting way too... ugh, there wasn't even a word for it, none that Ryan could think of at the moment because it just made him way too angry to begin with. He didn't care if that man was Sam's friend and the band's guitarist, he was bad news for everyone because he was so pathetic and selfish. Sure, Ryan dealt with it all this time, aware that Adam hated him for dating Sam. Those dagger eyes weren't ignored, Ryan's own piercing glare having met it many a time on stage and off of it, and one of the things that did hurt him was that Sam didn't see it and couldn't understand what the big deal was. Naive Sam. Hisboyfriendex-boyfriend was so fucking stupid and blind sometimes. How could he not see the obvious flirting from Adam, the animosity in his actions and snide words whenever Ryan was around? Sam was the only one to not see it, everyone else did. And HE had the nerve to tell Ryan that he was the stupid one.
It hurt him even more that Sam couldn't even defend him, he, his boyfriend Ryan Aldridge, in the intense e-fight that took place barely two nights ago. Needless to say, after all that explosiveness, Ryan was done with that shit, and after being too mad to cry while he was still around everyone on tour, it seemed to be the only thing that he could do now that he was alone. He had been given Lucie's key after he had thrown his phone out the tour bus and broken it in anger, told to follow through with his plans to leave tour and go home by both her and Shane, even though Shane had begged him not to leave for the sake of Sam's mental health. It killed him to see Shane upset too -- Sam's brother was the brother that Ryan never had, a figure in his life that he could actually depend on -- but he had told the older Delancey that he wasn't going to take it anymore, not the way it was going. If he could be accused of not having a backbone, then Sam could definitely be told that he was a baby, a naive young man that needed to grow up a little and accept the consequences of his actions. He couldn't always blame the personality disorder, he could have fought it or something whenever he had the urges, but Ryan figured he wasn't even trying anymore. Maybe the medicine wasn't helping. And then Ryan had Lucie; his fag hag was amazing really -- at this point, he should have turned straight again and dated her, or just have been straight to begin with and dated her in the first place, because she was perfect for him. But no, although he loved Lucie to death and the fact that she was the second girl he would love romantically above other females in his entire life, Ryan liked boys. Ryan liked Sam, Ryan LOVED Sam. This was the only way, the best thing for the both of them in his eyes. They needed time, Ryan needed time. It was just too much, and the choices needed to be made and actually followed through this time around. And unfortunately for Sam, it didn't look like Ryan was going to be turning around and running back any time soon, not with the way it had been going.
Having collected enough of his shit from the bedroom, Ryan took the bag he had brought along with him and slung it over his shoulders, leaaving the apartment with an unintentional hard slamming of the front door. His fingers and whole hand -- no, his whole body -- shook as he fumbled with the key in the lock, almost as if he was being begged by some other force not to do this, not to leave. Fuck, he was going to break down again if he didn't get off this property. Hurrying to his car, he got in and threw his bag into the back seat, backing out of the driveway and almost hitting another car that was passing by. It was getting dark at seven, and it was now 7:30 -- okay, the darkened skies and shit weren't at fault, he just wasn't paying attention. Way to go, Ryan. He idled his car and slumped over, resting his head on the steering wheel with an intentional thud, hitting the horn by accident but he didn't care. He needed to collect himself a little more, right now. But he was crying again. After another ten minutes passed with him sitting in the driveway, he finally calmed down enough to drive, and as he checked his (newly purchased, again) Blackberry, he was running a little late to meet Danielle. That girl was his first, sex-wise, his best friend from high school and his only real girlfriend -- she was always there for him no matter what happened in his life, even taking him up on his request for sex, losing his virginity to her at 17 just to see if he really was gay or not. Obviously we know the answer to that now. Fifteen minutes later he was at her house -- well, time was nothing to him anymore, not right now. Greeted with a long and tight hug from the dark-haired girl, Ryan tried not to fall apart in her arms, even though she wouldn't have minded his break down. Aside from Lucie, she was the only other girl that he told anythng and everyhing to; he had spent the night at Danielle's once he had gotten back from tour and totally had the biggest girl night ever, ice cream and sad movies and all as he lamented over his . "Ry, you're shaking," she said quietly and worriedly into his ear, and Ryan pulled back from her to look back at his thin hands -- sure enough, they were shaking. He raised a hand to his face, swallowing the lump in the back of his throat before running his fingers through his dark hair in nervous habit. Leaning in, he kissed her gently on the lips. It was a non-sexual kiss, like one of those ones that Will and Grace did with each other in greeting or goodbye. Ryan forced a smile on his face, sniffling a little as he pushed the thought of kissing Sam out of his head. "I'm fine. I'll be fine. And don't say that I'm lying; you're supposed to be making me forget about all this for now."
"I'm sorry, I'm just worried about you. But okay, I'll make sure you get naked wasted if you want," she replied with a reassuring smile and a small laugh, squeezing Ryan's hand as they walked into the kitchen and started setting things up in the living room. She was having a party because her parents didn't care -- of course, this was Los Angeles, people were free as hell and it had been her twenty-first birthday a few weeks ago. That had been a great night, he and Sam got kind of drunk and just snuck away into Danielle's bathroom and... fuck, there it was again. They made dinner together like always, had a discussion on any new developments, with jokes here and there from Danielle about setting him up with another cute boy that was going to be coming that night. "You know I don't do that, Dani," he said uneasily as he washed the dishes, frowning as the soap splattered a little onto his face. As much as he wished that he could have done that -- the thought definitely crossed his mind, a rebound -- that's just not how Ryan was, he would never do that. After all was said and done and cleaned up, he had grabbed a beer from the fridge and started pre-gaming already, just so he wouldn't have to be reminded of anything that related to Sam; if he was trashed enough, he wouldn't think of things like that, he would just be having fun like he needed to. An hour had passed already and as people came, he found himself flirting with girls and guys alike, the games of pong and rounds of shots totalling up to a number that Ryan couldn't add up anymore in the state he was in. He slowed his consumption down by midnight, but even then he was already six beers and then quite a few shots in -- with his lightweight status, it was a surprise that he wasn't passed out, and he made a joke about that as Danielle sat in his lap. He was more or less finishing a case, or that's how it felt like, maybe he was adding too much of the shots into the equation. Finally he was letting loose, and it felt better. It was also strangely satisfying to reject four girls at the loud metion of how gay he was and how his ex-boyfriend dumped him for an ugly tattooed asshole who was a Chain Carey wannabe -- yeah, they all knew about the band, they were jealous of the whole Sam and Ryan dating thing, but fuck, it didn't matter anymore because they weren't together. Ryan said it all loudly -- everyone knew now, even if he shouldn't have opened his mouth in the first place. Whatever, he was drunk, and at this point, he didn't care, just as long as he vented to someone who was listening and so long as he wasn't constantly thinking about it. With a texted tweet -- 'drunk time' -- it was the only sober thing he would remember, rather, the last sober thing he would remember doing that night. He was doing well, having more fun now than he would have been on tour with all that angst and animosity.
The neighbors complained and most people had disappeared by the time it was three, and the circle of friends had been cut down from 30 or so people to 6 of them -- Ryan, Danielle, Jared, Kyle, Amanda, and Mikayla. The fantastic six from high school, like old times; the guys had dated one of the girls at some point, and for Ryan it was the point where he was still kind of straight. They talked about everything and anything, sex and boys and girls and college and things from high school, about their lives and how they were doing now. Ryan was being coaxed to talk about his problems, but he only sipped at his beers and made his input whenever he thought of something to say. At least he wasn't bawling right now, that would be a bit embarassing even though it would always be remembered as a drunk moment. "Ry, come on," Jared said with a frown as they touched on relationships one more time, nudging his best friend with his elbow as the two men downed another shot. "You know guys, this should be a new drinking game, I should make all of you take another shot every time you ask me about Sam," he said flatly, his coherence wavering more with every passing second as he grabbed the thin bottle of Van Gogh chocolate vodka that he made Danielle buy for him when they ventured off again to the liquor store. "Man, this shit is so fucking good, no wonder it was thirty bucks for a fifth." With another round of double shots in a toast to happiness, Ryan obviously scoweled again and finished the beer that he had been holding in his other hand. With this, it totalled up to ten, and he had started on an eleventh when the room and world started spinning. Oh, fuck, this was what he didn't want, even though he knew it was going to come if he had continued drinking. "Fuuuuuck, be right back," he muttered, almost knocking into the night table as he bolted from his seat on Danielle's bed to the bathroom. The fast movement didn't help his body either, and once he got to the bathroom his head was over the toilet. Puking his guts out, the thoughts were coming back to him now as he realized that he and Sam had messed around in this bathroom, the upstairs one, while everyone else was downstairs grinding and doing shots and stuff. The memory of Sam made his head spin more, and he threw up a little more, thinking of his touch and how he looked without a shirt on. Obviously that didn't disgust him, but he was just wasted and miserable and everything. He moaned loudly in irritation, spitting into the toilet only to find himself puking again -- at this point he was dry heaving and dehydrated as hell. "Danielle," he said hoarsely, calling out to her in a little bit of desperation as he adjusted his position on the floor. His breathing was heavy and skin pale, he thought he was going to pass the fuck out because he felt so weak, but he struggled not to as he leaned against the wall of the bathroom, looking like a rag doll with his head falling to the side. The next thing he knew, he shed a few tears as he started thinking of Sam, reaching for his phone in his pocket and about to press the call button on his speed dial as his eyes were starting to close of their own accord. No, he couldn't pass out, he had to stay awake, he was getting paranoid now. And in his eyes, standing in front of him, all he saw was Sam -- even though the last person he really viewed was Danielle running into the bathroom, hearing her scream for Jared to call an ambulance as his head hit the floor, his phone slipping out of his hands with Sam's name and contact number still illuminated on the screen.
status. done D:
tagging. tati Dx
words. 3160 D<
notes. omg im so sad D':