Post by jasey on Jul 26, 2009 17:28:55 GMT -4
THIS TIME AROUND YOU’RE COMING CLOSER,
you’re never coming back until you know it’s over
[/color][/font]you’re never coming back until you know it’s over
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[/size][/font]SHE HADN’T EVER BEEN ONE TO STEP OUTSIDE THAT BOUNDARY. They were everywhere: restrictions, rules, any sort of dotted line that prohibited you from crossing any further. For as long as she could remember, Jasey has always been hesitant of those restrictions, analyzing and double checking each step in her path before she continued on, replaying possible outcomes through and around her mind. And it had just become habit over time. Starting sometime when she was younger, she’d always fallen behind the sort of risks that, firsthand, she’d watched both her siblings, her cousins at those dreaded family reunions, and even the fellow neighborhood kids take. Whether it was taking the long route home from school out of fear that, maybe just this one time, that Doberman one street over wouldn’t be chained to his dog house. Or backing out of a dare in the seventh grade to kiss Bobby Carlson, just because boys were still a little intimidating back then. It kept her safe, secure, comfortable behind that wall of hers. But still, sometimes she wondered what it would be like just once to take that leap and step right over. No second thoughts, straight forward, and to move on right then and there.
THAT’S WHAT SHE LIKED TO PRETEND THIS WAS, taking the job. It was out of the normal, for sure, for her of all people to be doing something like this. After all, who would of thought of her getting out of New York at all? Let alone on these circumstances. And the first time the opportunity had been presented to her, she’d honestly wrote it out completely as an automatic ‘no.’ It was purely instinct. Though the more she thought about it, what was left for her to do in New York, anyway? School, maybe. But Jasey hadn’t ever had trouble with her studies. And at the rate she’d been going that year, she easily could have finished up the semester, and taken everything else throughout the summer, and then online. With flying colors, that would have worked out just as it was planned to. It was a debate in her own head, if you wanted to truth behind all of it. Back and fourth she weighed in the pros and cons. One night, she might have been full set and ready to send in her acceptance. And the next, her mind was dead set against finally getting out. But she relied on her parents for finally making the call. Their bickering, loud argument after argument, it was practically impossible to focus on anything other than finally getting out.
AND SHE DIDN’T REGRET IT. It was nice to be rid of them, to finally worry about what was right in front of her, rather than what dishes they’d broken downstairs, or whether or not her father had hit his wife hard enough that she’d need a trip to the emergency room. It was a nice feeling, finally being rid of that weight. Though at the same time, she couldn’t help but to feel a little guilty. Was it right, she wondered, to just leave everything behind like that? What if, in fact, it came down to her mother’s safety, maybe even her sisters whenever she came home from school. Jasey hadn’t entirely trusted her father, even after she’d left on the note that, yes, entirely they understood each other. It was hard to do so after witnessing what she had over the years.
SO EVEN AS SHE THOUGHT THIS, her mind was still focused elsewhere on everything laid out at her feet. Jasey couldn’t quite decipher it, sometimes, how somebody could get used to this feeling. Hell, she wasn’t the one swarmed by the crowds of people passing in and out. But still, the overall scene in front of her was still a little hard to digest. Jasey had seen firsthand what the extent of a fan encounter could turn into. She’d roamed with Sadie, seen the camera’s flashing with a fake smile and an arm around a complete stranger you’d just briefly met a minute ago. And it was hard to ignore the mobs of teenage girls whose minds revolved around solely, just once, meeting that icon of theirs whose face was plastered to every free inch of space of their bedroom wall. Yes, she’d stepped out of way, let Hayden handle those sort of situations all on his own. Otherwise, what did that leave her with? She wasn’t a very big girl. Easily, half of those fans could have thrown her out of the way, despite an effort on her part. And in tow with that, maybe her face on some message board, death threats written in from every country imaginable, bashing the sort of scandalous, nonexistent “relationship” she might have had with these girls’ object of fixation. Yes, that was exactly what she wanted. Sometimes it was just easier to let him deal with it on his own, taking a step back to witness from a distance.
AND TAKING NOW, FOR INSTANCE, SHE CHOSE to sit back from all of the commotion. It was just easier this way. One hand irritably entangled in her lap, she shifted her weight as she propped herself up at one of the benches, catching a quick glance at, again, those crowds who seemed to make their rounds to each and every musician found within their radar. Some of them were unbelievable, how many people they were able to track down over the course of that one ten or so hour day. Of which, had started to really take it’s toll on Jasey herself. It wasn’t often that she found herself distant for sleep. Though lately she’d found that, more so than ever, she just couldn’t do it. Whether it was yawning in the middle of a set she’d been waiting all day to see, or drifting into some sort of slumber right there at the merch tent. The other night, even, she’d practically take a nap right on Hayden’s bunk while he’d gone to track down some food. It was wondrous, the sorts of things that lack of rest could do to a person. Absolutely enchanting was the term she’d decided on.
JASEY SIPPED AT THE PAPER CUP IN HER HAND, filled to the brim with the iced tea she’d managed to track down in the back of the fridge earlier that afternoon. She’d intentionally strayed away from the cartons of beer plugged away at every free rack and crevice within that kitchen-esque area, solely for the fact that alcohol hadn’t ever been her cup of tea. Not to say that she didn’t fall into that every now and then. But when given the choice, she’d found that at least this early in the day, she preferred her caffeine, and her mind free of that cloudy effect. And it fought off the humidity, which was possibly the worst feeling in the world when you were put between hundreds and hundreds of bodies, all pressed together trying to get free of that sticky effect as the music poured from the speakers. Jasey had been in those crowds at one point or another. She knew what it felt like when the person beside you was sweaty as hell, elbowing you every now and then at an attempt at maneuvering further to the stage. She’d hated it then, and as far as she could imagine, she was nearly positive that half of these people, those running ahead of her, they probably hated it just as much now.
ONE MORE SWIG, AND SHE FOUND HERSELF face to face with an empty cup, staring at it blankly as if by doing so, the brim would be the determining factor for her once again. Grip delicately setting the cup aside where she sat on the counter of the bench, green orbs focused back on the people, none of which she could have admitted to recognizing. Though it didn’t bother her, being alone. For a majority of her time growing up, she hadn’t taken all that much to company. And this, if anything, was living proof. Jasey pulled her bare knees up further to her chest, tapping unnoticeably with her feet at the wood of the seat. It was easy to get distracted in all of this. And biting at the inside of her cheek, she let her eyes rest up against her hand, that humid air clinging to her until it was irritably uncomfortable. Her first reaction was to move, traveling back to the bus where it was cool, probably air conditioned. Though that boundary of hers, the one she was trying to break, that was exactly where it was pointed, or at least partially. No, she could stay out here. With ease, she could withstand these crowds, the heat. It made more sense this way.
TAG: OPEN, K THANKS.
WORDCOUNT: 1502
NOTES: finally got something started.
LISTENING TO: there for tomorrow.
JUST TAKE IT ALL,
you never know you’re leaving.
[/color][/font][/center]you never know you’re leaving.